you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
