Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Everclear isn't food dammit
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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