Little spoons don't ask big questions
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
