I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
