Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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