I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Randomize
