Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
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You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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