He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
