How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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