I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
