its not stalking. its research.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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