Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
