to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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