Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
