so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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