just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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