Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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