I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she peed on how many people?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
