just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize