fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
