Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
