i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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