But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
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