Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
