forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
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This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
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If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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