Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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