He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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