we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
