I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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