His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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