I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
