i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
