Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
