I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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