i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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