Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
