I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
