i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
