forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
