So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
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