I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
