after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
