im six kinds of drunk right now
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
