so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
