they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
