you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
my being single is dangerous.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
