So drunk, too bad you don't want this
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize