yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i believe in u and ur pee
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
