i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
