what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
