In the future we'll all be gay
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
