God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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