I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
