He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
