the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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