he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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