Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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