then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
