so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
