I faked an abortion last night.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
