Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
