Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
