new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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