i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
