I hate all girls vehemently.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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