I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My feet surprised me
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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