he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
