remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
