cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
