Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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