Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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