When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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