i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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