I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
