im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
