He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
