I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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