I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
