I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
