and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
