If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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